In a perfect world, everyone would have a Village – a network of trusted community members who can rely on each other for support during hard times. But in many modern, Western cultures, our networks are small, our time and energy are stretched thin, and we may not even be accustomed to asking for help in the first place.
And in huge life moments like welcoming a new child into our family… a lot of friends, though they love us, may not know exactly what to do, and drop food off on the porch without checking in. Well-meaning family members say they’ll come by to help, but really, they just spend time holding the baby.
My friends who birthed or adopted children started doing so in their mid-30s. Many of them live hours away from their families, and most of them, myself included, had never spent much time around childbirth and newborns. Additionally, we were not taught about the significance of matrescence (my text editor doesn’t even recognize the word) – the passage into motherhood. (Of course, this transformation is significant for all parents.)
In the absence of this cultural understanding – that becoming a parent (whether for the first or 10th time) is a significant life event – those of us going through it can feel alone, abandoned and confused. No one around us seems to understand, or at least acknowledge, the huge transformation we’ve been through.
So why are postpartum doulas the answer to these potential issues?
In the days and weeks after you welcome your baby home, new parents are dealing with fatigue, excitement, and potentially overwhelm. Our scope of work can include things like laundry, cooking, looking after pets, running small errands, or going to appointments with you -- taking care of the little things so that you can focus on your postpartum transition. We can take care of your baby when you need to sleep, eat, or shower. We make sure you have everything you need where you need it. We can help you enlist the assistance of your community by organizing meal trains or chore help. (A lot of the specifics here depend on the doula; make sure you align on your expectations before signing a contract.)
Doulas are trained in the basics of newborn care, feeding, and sleep safety. More importantly, we stay informed on the most up-to-dateresearch so that we can provide our clients with evidence-based options for infant care and the postpartum period. We can give you tips on how to find a good pediatrician or lactation consultant, and we know a little bit about breastfeeding techniques ourselves. We can provide guidance around safe formula usage and breastmilk storage. We can help you with baby-wearing, or help you find a professional car-seat fitter (some of us are certified in both of those things!). We can help you navigate the paperwork that is necessary or useful after a baby's birth (WIC, social security, etc). Importantly, if you gave birth, we can educate you on mental and physical changes that you can expect, and when to talk to your provider.
We validate your experiences. We listen. We hear your birth story if you are interested in sharing. We ask questions. We stay quiet and just sit with you, if that's what you need. We let you know that you're doing an amazing job (you are!). We help you keep an eye on your mental health and recommend professional guidance if necessary. We allow you to prioritize your mental health by making sure you do the things that are vitally important for your well-being, like sleeping, eating, showering, getting outside... or just taking 30 minutes to yourself.
Postpartum doulas are experts in honoring the significance of the transformation into parenthood. In addition to providing hands-on practical support, we work with you to help guide you through this new phase of your life. We want you to feel taken care of, and we want you to THRIVE.
Any questions?